Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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