I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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