Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
