can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
