1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
