P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
