does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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