Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please, let me fuck your mom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize