So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
