i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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