so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
