Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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