a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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