Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
