just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did i walk over a car last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
