sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
two words...techno handjob
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
