Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
