At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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