if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
