I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
