You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
