Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
