Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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