when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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