Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
