She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
