Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
