he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
