it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
did i walk over a car last night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
