You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
