Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
