it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i've created a new STD.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
