She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
