i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
