The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize