first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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