I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
