Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
