I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
