You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
