u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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