Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
