pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Green mimosas i think yes
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
