Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
