He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
