He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
