my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
