I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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