It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
