the condom got lost in my hair
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
