So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
