Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
