i jhust puked up my retainher.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
