are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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