remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
