I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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