My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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