I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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