Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
