Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
