I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
