I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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