waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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