you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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