I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
