Im at strip club and am horny
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
