Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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