So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There r osticjed everywhere
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
