there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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